Once I was looking to my two dogs at home, I was feeling so envy with them. They don’t need to hide their feeling. They can bark, can bite, can be quite, can licking their Master without being afraid of others opinion. They go and run, being so happy while we take them for a walk, or just let them run away feeling free.
I envied by how they love their life just the way is it. Their expectation is so simple, to get hug by their Master. To sleep beside their Master and to be with their Master whatever the possible time is.
I was thinking, in a short moment, I would like to be one of them. No need to worry about everything, no need to worry about how others think, no need to worry about future looks like.
Some said, we should live in today, not past nor future. Because in today, we could learn and fall, then get up and win, or maybe fall again. But making mistakes is normal, they lead you to the place you’ve never experienced before.
“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering.”
I was in hurt. By someone whom I’m letting to come inside my heart.
Even I put a little hope in it, then, it’s like a goose bump. Disappear without care for whatever was happened before. It such like the dust you erase from your feet.
I’m trying to hold it down, like the mature women should be. The best I can do at this moment is praying. I really can’t understand and can’t see what’s next. But to letting it under the control of My Maker, should be the best way I can do.
I know it’s not so easy as it sounds. Especially when you can not sleep and always haunted by those feeling. But maybe, everyone has to meet their own dark zone, their own struggling, their own weaknesses, their own flaws. If they can go over it, then the triumph will be ours. And our life will be so light as the feather in the air.
Sometimes I feel so tiny, so little, with this big mad feeling I can’t let go. But maybe, just maybe, this is a close door I have to accept now. So, the other doors can be opened for me. And the happiness will be in my hands as my dreams.
I’m feeling so hurt, so empty, so loneliness, but I know I’m not that I’m not alone. The Breathe Giver is with me, so close as well as my skin and blood. When I almost to cry, I know, He gave me tissue to erase it away, then I will smile, as you asked to me to do.
I will keep smiling. I will keep moving. Cause we are stronger than we know.