How to Mend a Broken Heart – This is Not Merely a Song Title

Have you familiar with that title above? Sound like a song ya.. Maybe I am inspired of that song when I write about this article, but actually no, it just happened to someone very close to me, that’s why I want to write what’s on my mind about broken heart.

Who is among you that never feel heartbreak? Not me of course. I felt it many times, but don’t look at me with that pathetic eyes, I also feel so many loves, being in love and loved. But I still exactly remember what I felt when I was broken heart.

So this is a very human nature. We are tend to remember the bad feelings instead the good ones. That’s it easy for us for being a criminal then a saint. Anyway, when we are in a heart break situation, it feels like we are in hell (even I never be in hell, but you understand what I mean, right?) – it causes us to act like not ourselves. We forget everything because we tend to feel pity toward ourselves, our mind mostly directed to negative point of views.

I’ve been there and I know what I’m saying now.

I have no idea whether this is the strength or the weakness of women, but we are tend to easily deeply in love with someone we care. Don’t tell us about how long we’ve met, if he can catch our heart, possibly we give all of our feeling to him and when the fire faded away, I always feel and see – the worst side who feel the lost always come in women side. It just like men can move on easily while women keep going round and round trying to defeat and mend their broken heart. I’m not being gender right now, it based what I see and feel – or men so smart to cover it, so I can’t see it? I think, their logic still working even they feel the broken heart – the logic which told them to move on, no need to stay in an over relationship and they can gain nothing from staying sad and hate themselves – time to hunting for another girl, maybe?!

If we, women, use men logic, even a bit, I believe it can help us to move on more easy. If we can see 1+1 = 2 as they clearly see it – not like how the way our female’s feeling lead us, which make 1+1 become 0 or 3 or 5 or -1, we will cry, scream, being crazy when our heart broken only in a short time, before we can stand up again and put our head high, use our heels again, put that red lipstick, be pretty and forget the past but never forget the lesson.

Believe it or not, this cliche statement about “Time heals” is really true. Time helps us a lot to forget our wounds. Time helps us to heal our scars. And time helps us to walk again as ourselves, gaining our confidence again and make us forget mostly the terrible part of being victim of the broken heart.

Another cliche statement that also true it’s about “Rejection actually leads you to better path” – that’s really true. I know, I know, it feels so hurt when you are being rejected especially by someone you love most, but actually, that rejection only leads you to open a way for another person to come who is better than him/her to join in your path – and maybe the next one is the one for you, as the love song said “your half wing, your soul mate.” As long as we live, there’s always so many possibilities in the world. So why do you stop to believe for another good thing to come to your life?

Being sad and the worst of it, being negative toward yourself will lead you to nothing but destruction. It’s like you damage yourself in order to gain attention from your ex, but actually I’m not sure that he/she cares enough about you anymore. If he/she was breaking up with you, it’s mean, he/she already considered his/her life without you around. Face it.

And again I know, facing the reality is the hardest part of broken heart. So many people that can not move on or still going around in the same disappointment mostly because they are not able to facing the reality, the fact that their relationship was over. Their soul mate (exes) once there, but not anymore. They failed to accept the condition but now, their daily routine will not be the same as before. Some people actually can not accept that something already changed in their life.

So what should I do when I feel broken heart?
I read about this statement and it became my mantra since then : “If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Seriously, just punch them in the face and go get some ice cream.” – I will go for ice cream whenever I feel sad. Ice cream here doesn’t mean literally “ice cream” but things that you like which make you able to smile again – in my case, either books, chocolate or travel to places I never been.

Another thing you need to do when you feel broken heart is to share what you feel. Tell your true feeling to someone you trust enough. Your real friend will give their ears no matter what time you call them. They’re not only saying “Are you ok?” But they are literally stand for you and let you know that they are there whenever you need them. Saying how you feel is helping you to feel less of it. If you feel sad, just tell it, so you will feel less of sad. A real friend will give you encouragement and motivation for you to go out from your self-pity zone, because they already knew who you are, before you had the broken heart. They know your quality and they want to remind you that you are not the real person at this moment. Don’t be shy, don’t hide it, don’t bear it alone and push yourself hard by being silent about it, so many bad decision later taken because they feel so alone in the world and no one understand them. How can you feel you are alone in this huge world? You are living together with this billions of people, the thing is, it’s your decision to share what you feel or not.

The last thing you need to do while you’re broken heart is to staying open! I know this is harsh, but actually the feeling of losing a guy can be replace by having another guy. Having here doesn’t mean to become your next boyfriend. I am a person who believe that I don’t want to be in a new relationship without meaning. I am tend to picky, and having a new boyfriend not a must for me in the matter for the sake of status only. Having a new boyfriend when you are not ready yet only create another problems, you are still half-emptied and actually your heart not yet be healed enough from the last wounds. It’s going to be unfair for your next partner if indirectly you will always live in the shadow of  your past relationship, while you are currently having a new one. Worst, you started to compare him/her to your ex.

Having guy here by dwelling in new society who make you able to meet with many new people, ok, I tell it specific, new guys/girls. Those people, who become your friends will help you to understand about guys/girls more. That’s actually, there are so many type of guys/girls in the world. Not all guys/girls are jerk. Not all guys/girls are same character as your exes. Not all guys/girls are liars, jerk or biatch and not all guys/girls are “boys” (red-immature). By staying open, you can bring yourself opportunities to know the other side of your opposite sex. Staying open here doesn’t mean of being hoe. Hoes only jump from one body to another and never understand what actually they want and have. What’s so good about that? Make a friendship, knowing people, give a chance to yourself to meet new people until you become so ready to be in a relationship again.

If you ask me about this subject one year ago, you will only meet me with red eyes and I will feel very annoying about it. Anytime I heard someone tried to convince me that everything will be alright made me want to scream “Hey you, have you ever be in my shoes?!!! I am so desperate and sad now. Just leave me alone and shut your mouth up!” Yeah, definitely that what I will said to you – but as I said before, time heals. And it did heal me.

Once when I was in my terrible moment, I feel so unfair with my broken relationship, a friend of mine told me “Don’t entertain your broken heart” – I felt offended previously with her statement, then I thought, “what did she mean?”. Later on, I realized, being hateful, angry, upset, jealous, envy, mad, crazy only entertain my sad feeling which made me become worst rather than better. Believe it or not, listening to melancholy songs also dread your energies and bring you only to remember sad moments.

Thanks to “ice cream” that I ate. I started to travel a lot and it’s not only help me to forget about the sad moments, but it leaded me to another path, path that I cheerfully have and love. The “ice cream” of friends and meeting with new many people help me to see and understand that this world is huge. I’m fine and ok. Blaming myself won’t make me go to anywhere than self-pity. I’ve seen so many misfortune conditions other people had, comparing mine. That’s help me to count my blessing, being grateful and throw my smile to life instead of tears.

Another “ice cream” who helped me to passed my darkest moment was my family and friends. They gave me bunch of ears to listen my sadness and sorrow. Then they joked around to tease me a lot which made me able to laugh again. Now, I understand, I am more than my relationship status. And people who love me, just genuinely love me the way I am, with or without a partner on my side.

Agree, age seems like pathetic reason haunted some women and make them sad about their broken relationship while their time seem almost up. But who decide that your time already up? It’s society that push us to married at certain time. But being alone is truly better than stuck with wrong person for your whole life. As long as you live, the door of opportunities always open. John Mason said “If you can’t be thankful for what you have, at least be thankful for what you’ve escaped.” And that’s true. Rather than being in wrong relationship in the future and stay longer in one expired relationship, it’s better to break up now and make you possible to find the better one. Being in relationship not merely with anyone (human), but you have to know who is he/she actually. Do you already knew him? Are you sure you can get along together for many years? Can he/she accept your bad side as they happy for your good side?

So now, don’t be sad if you feel broken heart. Question this to yourself, “Do you want to be in a wrong relationship longer than it should be, because you merely need a status for society?” Not me.

You are beautiful, hot stuff, adorable, the sweet candy. You are unique and don’t let broken heart make you feeling down, but let it sharps you to make you be a better person. The moment you start to love yourself, that’s the moment you understand you are more than merely a relationship status and you will be free.

And happy.

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xx,
Dea

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