Do you think being a traveler excuses you for dishonesty?

Recently, someone told me that whatever he pursues in a partner was he found in me. Well, might be not exactly literally that words. But in a cliché way, he told me that he likes me and think very serious about his feeling toward me. He is for sure a traveler that love to be with another traveler. 2 travelers with same passion and understanding of this big big world as an adventurous journey such a good combination right? As a traveler myself, which I met so many different kind of guys during my whole life (traveling or not), I can understand exactly what I want in a guy and I told him so. Seem like what he looked for in a woman exactly the same what I look for in a man, which means, personality, big passion of life and dream big type of person. He made me believe that we are meant to be together, that my longing time for the right partner is finally answered! The one that I am looking for is finally come to my life and I was looking to his eyes.


Wrong. Very wrong.


Just after we met up and all the sweet talk and continued by another fantasy of “being together – but please wait darling, I need to think about it,” I finally realized that he just that kind of man that I don’t want to be with just in second after I know the truth.


The truth called dishonesty.


Seem pretty obvious (that I recognized it after!) that he actually has a girlfriend that really adores him a lot. Absolutely she is, since he is a sweet mouth watering kind of ma, as my experience with him. What shocked me the most that he actually told me that he has a fear that I will cheat on him or not love him back as much as he loves me. Reality said, he was cheating on his girlfriend (means he doesn’t love her that much so he can fall to another girls, logic). I always hate man that think they can play with woman’s heart. Woman is truly a creature that use feeling more than logic – especially when they are in love. But it’s not a reason for man to treat woman as we are a stupid doll who know nothing if you are playing dirty with us.


Now after few hours of the incident how the truth revealed, I feel pity for both of them. She definitely deserved someone better than a man who cheat on her easily, while he is really such a dumbass that idiot enough to cheat over someone who really love him. Glad I know it now than later.


I remember one time when I had discussion with him about “us”. He said that he has big fears that it’s not gonna work between us because we both are travelers. Wait, what did he mean?


It’s pretty common in travelers, that we meet people during the trip and fall in love. Some of them can be a pretty cute long last relationship, some of them need to be ended by the end of the date of their returning flight ticket to home or their another destination. For majority of solo travelers that having partners who don’t like to travel, some of their partners might really have a deep trust to let them go and wait them come back at home. It stabbed my heart, when I know this girl was really waiting for him because they have #longdistancerelationship. Suck. I know how the feeling in fighting for long distance relationship. It is bitter sweet and ugly emotional up and down relationship, but it still deserves someone that truly faithful and trustworthy!


Is it only happened in travelers?

I guess not.


It doesn’t matter whether we are travelers or not, once we open our heart to someone, we just let them to take control of our feeling. It’s like we know that this person have a chance to stab our heart in the center but we are still willing to give trust to them because we feel happier with them around. Loving someone is full of risk. It’s not only for travelers, also for those who probably have daily job from 8 am to 5 pm every day. Love is never picky, it comes when it wants to come to anyone’s heart. The big question is whether we wanna accept the love’s call and take the risk to love and being loved?


I felt intrigue when he mentioned his fears to develop any relationship with traveler (me) because I might leave him or cheat on him. He already judged me before even give an opportunity to know me more “in the name of I am a traveler and so does he”. Even later I know why he mentioned that as an excuse, but it goes in my mind, is it common for travelers to have weak love and can cheat easily? Is it being a traveler can excuses us for dishonesty?

I don’t believe it.

Strong relationship – whether it’s between travelers or not, are building with trust and integrity. The most important thing is if you really love someone, you will never let yourself cheat on your partner – even let yourself being in a way that make you possible to cheat on your partner. Again, no matter you are traveler or not. It’s about who you are and what you believe in.


The only thing that makes us travelers, hard to get settle, because we are always craving for someone who has the same passion as us, who can understand that we wanna see the world as much as we can, who can say yes to adventures and sometimes ready to leaving all behind to travel. It’s not about the capability of loving someone, the ability to fully committed to ones we love or having integrity even in darkest place when no one sees us.


“What irritated me most in that entire situation was the fact that I wasn’t feeling humiliated, or annoyed, or even fooled. Betrayal was what I felt, my heart broken not just by a guy I was in love with, but also by, as I once believed, a true friend.” – Danka V


My friend who I told the story seemed so mad with him, with the condition. Her comment was so ditto for me, “I just don’t understand why people need to lie?”

But one thing obviously right is the principle of “people generally didn’t cheat in good relationships.”

Anyway, thank God I know.


Dea Sihotang



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